Scooter’s 1267th bar, first visited in 2018.

We both had Bud Lights that were far larger than either of us needed, and I don’t think either of us finished them.

409 S Broadway Blvd
Salina, KS 67401
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(785) 825-9829
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Scooter’s 1266th bar, first visited in 2018.

But today it’s a brewery, and I was finally able to make a visit.

In addition to a rather good pizza (I’m now 2 for 2 on finding good pizza in Salina), I had Blue Skye’s Crank Case (AIPA), Jalapeno Cream Ale, Brown-Eyed Girl, and Dirty ‘ol Stout.

One element of bar decor I forgot to get a picture of is the confusing lineup of fake doorways all along the hallway leading to the restrooms.

116 N Santa Fe Ave
Salina, KS 67401
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(785) 404-2159
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Scooter’s 1265th bar, first visited in 2018.

600 N Santa Fe Ave
Salina, KS 67401
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(785) 404-3225
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Scooter’s 270th bar, first visited in 2007.

Before long we once again began lamenting the loss of of our pizza. “At least it will be a good meal for a bum,” I said. B’s face lit up and he started chuckling.

“I have a phrase that just popped into my head,” he said. “Check this….. ‘Bum Feast’. That’s exactly what that pizza is.”

I started cracking up.

“I’d make a good name for a band,” he added.

“I can see the debut album now,” I said. “Bum Feast: Pizza On The Sidewalk.”

And the cover art could have been the photo I should have taken of us moping over spilled sidewalk pizza.

Believe it or not, we began to get a second wind here and decided to keep going. So we stepped outside to head down to the next bar. We were stunned to find that what had been rain when we arrived at Rendezvous had since turned into a sky-wide waterfall. A river was running down the street with the water level already up to the chassis of the cars parked in front. We decided to call a cab instead. We dialed the number for Sunflower Taxi and got Lee again.

“It’s going to be at least half an hour because the streets are all flooded,” he said.

We went back inside and played Golden Tee until he arrived. B heckled me for using my thumbs instead of my palm when putting.

Lee arrived, and the two of us plus a third guy who had also called ran out in the pouring rain with him. We were surprised to find an already-full cab waiting for us. Somehow the three of us + Lee managed to squeeze in. We asked him to take us to any bar that was still open, but the places he named we had already been to. Not wanting to delay anyone else, we asked to just go back to the Budget King motel so that we could figure out a new strategy from there.

By now all of the streets were under 1 to 1-1/2 feet of water (I later learned that Salina got 5.3 inches of rain in 90 minutes that night!) and Lee looked nervous as all hell trying to get us to our destinations. He did a great job though so our hats definitely go off to him.

It was a little after 1:00am when we returned to our room. With nature behaving the way it was and less than an hour before Kansas law mandated that the bars closed, we decided thet prudent thing to do would be to call it a night.

249 N Santa Fe Ave
Salina, KS 67401
US
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(785) 827-3830

Scooter’s 269th bar, first visited in 2007.

We found ourselves against a barrier that was new to us but we would eventually experience many more times in our barhopping careers — the sheer limit of stomach volume. There simply wasn’t room in there to squeeze in any more beer.

Luckily they had $1 shot specials. Problem solved! We went for Kamikaze shots.

When we left B cut across the dance floor to avoid tipping over any more groomsmen.

232 N Santa Fe Ave
Salina, KS 67401
US
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(785) 827-1800
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Scooter’s 268th bar, first visited in 2007.

We both had Bud 10 oz. draws were $2.00.

After finishing our beer we stepped out under the awning to scope out our situation. It was raining heavily (turned out to be one of the worst floods Salina had seen in years, over 5 inches of rain fell n just a few hours) and the next bar was up the street. As we made our plan, B felt something shift and heard a heartbreaking “sploosh” sound.

Weakened by several exposures to the rain, the side of the pizza box we had been carrying since The Scheme had popped open and our entire 1/2 large pepperoni pizza had just dropped face-down onto the wet sidewalk.

In what must have looked like a well-choreographed scene, we looked in horror at the mess on the sidewalk, then at each other, then at the pizza, then at each other, and at the pizza again, and bck at each other.

B was at a loss for words. He knelt down and somberly started putting the slices of wet pizza back in the box. “Well maybe it might still be salvageable,” I offered.

He looked at it, frowned, and set it behind a bench. “There’s no point,” he said, before cursing himself repeatedly.

Devastated by our loss, we ran up-and-across the street to the next place we saw.

219 N Santa Fe Ave
Salina, KS 67401
US
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(785) 827-0992

Scooter’s 267th bar, first visited in 2007.

We both had Bud Light. 16 oz. draws were $2.00.

This was a large area with 2 main rooms and an outdoor concrete deck overlooking the street. However, sorry, but this is one Big Nose that blows. It just wasn’t the type of bar we like to go to. Pretentious and filled with an assortment of hipsters, fratties, and trendy people.

We drank 3/4 of our 16 oz beers, decided that 12 ounces was good enough to count, and got the hell out.

When we got back downstairs we found it raining and stood under the awning trying to figure out where to go next. We asked a guy with several piercings where all the bars were. “There’s only three,” he insisted. We knew he was wrong but pretty much everyone around here insisted that Big Nose Kate’s, Martini’s (the bar downstairs from Kate’s), and Groove (a bar across the street) were the only bars around. He gave us tickets to Groove (it had a cover charge otherwise) and showed us how to cut through Martini’s to get out the front door (since we had entered via the alley).

Martini’s looked much the same as Big Nose Kate’s so we didn’t bother to stop. We ran across the street in the rain to Groove, peered in the windows, and reached the same conclusion. We decided to ditch this block.

We knew we were on the main drag but didn’t know where on it we were. We started walking south as lightning began to strike with increasing closeness. After a few blocks and no sign of a bar, Brandon approached a car sitting at a Sonic and asked for directions.

It turned out we were at the sound end of the strip and neeeded to go back and walk the other way. As i lightly rained we headedd back north, our beloved pizza still in tow.

Well, what do you know? Only 1 block past the area we had just come from, we found a cluster of good dive bars! (Damn trendy people and their not-knowin’ of things that exist outside their trendy little world.)

121 N Santa Fe Ave # 201
Salina, KS 67401
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(785) 820-8872

Scooter’s 266th bar, first visited in 2007.

We arrived just as they were about to close but they were kind enough to let us put an order in. Rushed, we blurted out “large peppperoni” then nursed our beers while waiting for our pizza.

Before long, the deliciousness arrived. Flavorful, hot, and very cheesy.

We were only able to eat half of it so decided to take the rest of it with us since we usually end up getting the munchies after a full day of drinking. We got a box and thanked the cook (who turned out to be the owner) for making such a good pizza. I got my camera back out to take a few more pictures and that’s when the mystery of the beeping sound was solved. It was my camera warning me that my batteries were about to die.

The owner of Scheme was nice enough to give a new pair of batteries. Thank you!!! So I took a picture of him and our bartender…

They then gave us the grand tour of the place, showing us all of the art and memorabilia hanging on the walls and telling us the story behind them. Much of the art contained hidden images or was an optical illusion.

Some of the other pieces told the story of Salina’s history and of the history of the owner’s family. Such as the little girl who wrote to Abe Lincoln and told him more people might vote for him if he grew a beard. Or of an old family friend named Wild Bill Hickok. Other pieces were simply art for art’s sake.

We thanked them for their hospitality, grabbed our precious cargo of pizza, and headed back outside.

123 N 7th St
Salina, KS 67401
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(785) 823-5125

Scooter’s 265th bar, first visited in 2007.

We asked the bartender here about non-chain eating options and after running through a few ideas she hit upon a place called Scheme that makes a good local pizza. We got directions from her before we headed out the door.

By now we had managed to get enough beers close enough together that I was starting to get a buzz for the first time today, so it was time to ditch the car. We called Sam, the manager at Budget King (our motel), and asked him to get us a cab while we returned to the motel to park the car. About halfway back we heard that strange beeping sound again.

We got back to the motel in short order and still needed to wait several minutes for the cab, so we chatted with Sam for a bit. Turned out he had previously managed motels in Kansas City and Atlanta. He seemed like a pretty good guy who cared a lot about his family.

Our cab finally arrived and we climbed into a van driven by Lee of Sunflower Taxi who took us out to get something to eat.

2501 Market Pl
Salina, KS 67401
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(785) 827-7449

Scooter’s 264th bar, first visited in 2007.

The bartender here told us about some of the places we wanted to check out in town. We mentioned that one place in particular we wanted to see was The Blind Pig, solely because of its name. We got directions and walked back to my car. Except we started to enter a nearly-identical car parked 3 spaces down. Only the discovery of a cooler in the back seat kept us from getting all the way in.

925 W Lincoln Ave
Salina, KS 67401
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(785) 827-7769

Scooter’s 263rd bar, first visited in 2007.

B got carded, as he often does due to his youthful appearance. A nearby patron in his 50s estimated B’s age as young 20s. At 36 years of age he was pleased with that assessment.

We noticed jugs of corn squeezins behind the bar and asked the bartender about them. She told us that the guy who mis-estimated B’s age was drinking some.

“By the way, be careful tonight,” she said. “Salina is the DUI capital of the world. And I don’t mean per capita either, I mean literally more arrests than anywhere else, period.”

“Why is that?” we asked.

“Well,” she said, “some years back the police chief lost a child to a drunk driver so he made it a personal campaign. It was so successful that now it’s something the city takes pride in so please do watch yourselves tonight.”

As we were leaving, that same customer that had earlier questioned B’s age grabbed B by the arm and yanked him over, demanding to see his ID. He studied it carefully by the glow of his lighter before letting him go.

“I was getting close to decking that guy,” B told me later.

616 N Broadway Blvd
Salina, KS 67401
US
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Scooter’s 262nd bar, first visited in 2007.

This place was pretty small and pretty brightly lit on the inside. We chatted with the guy next to us about Westport. It seems that any time you tell someone in a bar you’re from KC, Westport is the part of town they know.

“Be careful, fellas, Salina is the DUI capital of the world,” the bartender warned us.

311 E Pacific Ave
Salina, KS 67401
US
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(785) 826-4909